Thomas Russell
(2003-2003)
Memorial website in the memory of your loved one













Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
from Time Does Not Bring Relief 
Edna  St  Vincent  Milay








Thomas Carl Russell

This site is created in memory of our son Thomas, who was born too soon in Feb 2003 at 27weeks and 5 days gestation, weighing 900 grams ( 2lbs)











































I'M OK.
THE FACT IS THAT I'M NOT...
MY PAIN WORSENS EVERY DAY!
I WONDER WHAT IF I HAD SAID,OR OF ALL THAT COULD'VE BEEN DONE.
IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN YOU'D BE GONE,MY PRECIOUS,LOVING SON.
SOME CAN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND AND THINK I SHOULD GO ON.
BUT HOW CAN I DO SUCH A THING WHEN A PART OF ME IS GONE.
THEY SAY THAT IT GETS EASIER AND YOUR BURDEN IS LESS TO BARE.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE WHEN ALL YOU LOVED'S NO LONGER
THERE.
I PRAY THAT GOD WILL EASE MY MIND AND SHOW ME HOW TO JUST GO ON.
AND GIVE ME BACK THE HEART HE TOOK THE DAY HE CALLED YOU HOME.
ALTHOUGH MY HEART IS BROKEN AND MY TEARS OVERFLOW,
I TRY TO HIDE THE SADNESS SO NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.
PRETENDING'S JUST NOT EASY WHEN YOU KNOW NOT HOW TO
SEE,THE REASON YOU ARE HURTING ...WHY'S THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
I'LL NEVER SEE YOU GO TO SCHOOL OR HAVE CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN.
THE LINK THAT MADE MY LIFE COMPLETE IS NOW FOREVER GONE.
I'LL TRY TO BE MUCH STRONGER AND KNOW THAT YOU LIVE ON.
ALTHOUGH I KNOW YOU'RE THERE WITH GOD, I FEEL SO ALL ALONE.
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I HAVE TO SEE THAT YOU REALLY NEVER DIED.
FOR
AS LONG AS YOU LIVE INSIDE MY HEART YOUR MEMORY'S STILL
ALIVE!!!!!!
"WRITTEN BY DAWN ELMORE"
 







my mummy is a survivor or so ive heard it said but i can hear her crying when all others are in bed
i watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand 
she doesn't know im with her to help her understand
but like the sands on the beach that never wash away 
i watch over my surviving mum who thinks of me each day 
she wears a smile for others a smile of disguise but through heavens open door i see tears flowing from her eyes
my mum tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive 
but anyone who knowes her it is her way to survive
as i watch over my surviving mum through heavens open door 
i try to tell her angels protect me forevermore 
i know that doesnt help her or ease the burden she bears
so if you get a chance go visit her and show her that you care
for no matter what she says no matter what she feels 
my surviving mum has a broken heart that time wont ever heal









my dad is a survivor too which is no surprise to me 
he's always been like a light house that helps you cross a stormy sea
but i walk with my dad each day to lift him when he's down 
i wipe the tears he hides from others he cries when no ones around
i watch him sit up late at night with my picture in his hand
he cries as he tries to grieve alone and wishes he could understand
my dad is like a tower of strength he's the greatest of them all 
but there are times when he needs to cry please be there when he falls
hold his hand or pat his shoulder and tell him its ok 
be his strength when he's sad help him mourn in his own way
now as i watch over my precious daddy from the heavens up above 
im so proud that he's a survivor
and i can still feel his love




























hi mummy
its me your little angel just checking in with you,
i know your sad because im gone and mummy im sad too.
it's beautiful here wherever i am there's such a lovely view
but mostly when im here im looking down at you!
i see all your feelings everyday when i look down 
i love to see you smile and i know sometimes you frown
but guess what?
i have a job to do god saved it for your little boy i get to watch over you and protect you from the world
so though you cannot see me and i know it's hard on you, 
you'll surely see the benefits of the job god has me do.








i thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to god today i asked "what makes a mother?" and i know i heard him say
"a mother has a baby this we know is true" " but god can you be a mother when your baby is not with you?"
yes you can he replied with confidence in his voice 
"i give many women babies when they leave is not their choice,
some i send for a lifetime and others for the day and some i send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay.
i just don't understand this god i want my baby to be here 
he took a deep breath and cleared his throat and then i saw the tear.
i wish i could show you, what your child is doing today 
if you could see your childs smile with all the other children and say
"we go to earth to learn our lessons of love life and fear 
my mummy loved me oh so much i got to come straight here
i feel so lucky to have a mum who has so much love for me i learned very quickly my mummy set me free
i miss my mummy, oh so much but i visit her everyday 
when she goes to sleep at night on her pillow is where i lay
i stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear 
mummy dont be sad today im your baby and im here
so you see my dear sweet one's your children are ok 
your babies are born here in my home and this is where they'll stay
they'll wait for you with me until your lesson's through 
and on the day you come home they'll be at the gates for you.
so now you see what makes a mother, it's the feeling in your heart 
its the love you had so much of right from the very start
though some of earth may not realise, you are a mother until their time is done 
they'll be up here with me one day and know that your the best one





















MY child
On the day God took you
I thought that I would die
I wondered where the time went?
I asked alot of whys??
With people all around me
I felt alone inside
From all their words of comfort,
I couldn't seem to hide, I thought I might be dreaming
That I'd wake and find you here,
I thought "This can't be happening."
As I wiped another tear.
On the day that you were laid to rest
My heart broke yet again,
I wondered if the pain would end,
But mostly, I wondered when??
It's hard to be without you,
At times the days seem long,
Sometimes I just sit crying,
When there's really nothing wrong.
I wish we'd had more time,
Before your life was done.
I hope your resting peacefully,
My precious child



Click here to see Thomas Russell's
Family Tree
Tributes and Condolences
13 YEARS AGO.... THE NIGHTMARE STARED   / Mum MUM (mum)
Hi Tom Been thinkng of you a lot latley as i always do.. but this date 14th Jan 2003 will stay in my mind forever.. had a routine check up at the anti-natal.. remember driving our red astra into town.. was late.. parked up and a private carpark, l...  Continue >>
12 yrs old..   / Mum (num)
If I could talk to you right now.. what would I say?; Hello baby, are you safe are you happy are you with people who love you? But I carnt.. so instead I think about how tall and handsome you would be now. 1st year of high school.. all grown up.. ...  Continue >>
miss you EVERYDAY!!   / Mum (mum)
Hi Tom Tom I know i dont post that often on here anymore.. but your in my thoughts every single day.. Christmas is here again , another one without you.. i put the tree up and placed all the baubles ive brought over the years with your name on....  Continue >>
love you   / Kameron Myring (cousion)
heyy tom tom how are u baby i no i havent been on for a long time or havent come to see you but it dosnt mean i dont thnk of u everyday because i do baby and i am engaged now baby to a beutiful women but u already no that because u look down on ...  Continue >>
miss you loads   / Kameron Myring (cousion)
heyy tom tom i just wanted to pop on here and say hello becasue i havent been on here for along time sorry about that mate. just becasue i havet been on doesnt mean i don think of you everyday becasue i do baby. i hope your playing nicely up there bu...  Continue >>
missing you as your 8th birthday comes around  / Mum (mum)    Read >>
another year without you babes....  / Mummy (mum)    Read >>
i miss you  / Kameron Myring (cousion)    Read >>
Just had to say...  / Heather Cook (-)    Read >>
MIss you so much it hurts even after all this time  / Mummy (mummy)    Read >>
Sending Birthday Wishes to our Heavens Above  / Angela-Daughter To Angel LindaTaylor     Read >>
7 Today  / Louise Myring (Auntie)    Read >>
THINKING OF THOMAS AND HIS FAMILY FOR HIS BIRHTDAY  / MOM OF DAVID GIRAUD (VISITOR/FRM LAST-MEMORIES )    Read >>
HAPPY 7TH BIRHDAY ANGEL TOM TOM  / Tracie Myring (aunty)    Read >>
Thinking what i was doing 7 yrs ago today...  / MUM     Read >>
More tributes and condolences...
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His legacy
Thomas's Story  


Thomas Carl Russell

Born 4th February 2003

Died 4th October 2003



First found out we were pregnant  in August 2002 and are 'due date was April 30th 2003!

So excited and looking forward to been a Mummy



Had our first scan 8th October 2002  and  saw the outline of our baby we nicknamed ' wriggle' as we didn't want to know the sex, and the baby was moving around so much even thou I  couldn't feel it as I was only 12 weeks.




Felt really well during the pregnancy, was never sick, just felt sick most mornings as soon as my feet hit the floor, and cleaning my teeth made me wretch. December 18th  was the second scan at 20 weeks  again everything was ok and baby was growing well and had all its bits and piece's in all the right places. Just loved having the scans and seeing our baby,  so exciting.

Christmas  2002 came and went and I started to 'swell' a bit and my blood pressure was a little high but not too much to  worry about, the hospital started me on a really low dose of blood pressure tablets and I had a 24 hr blood pressure monitor and urine collection! Took it back and all was 'normal

Me pregnant at 22  weeks




Jan 14th 2003 routine check, and wham!!!!!!! 2 ++ protein and high blood pressure, they admitted me to the ward straight away
 
I had pre-eclampsia and could have my baby in the next few days!!!!!!
I was only 23 weeks and 6 days by then.
I was all alone, the only appointment my husband did not attend as everything seemed ok.


So scared and frightened and they began to explain what was happening to me, had increase of blood pressure and given the routine Steroids in my bum! I was 23 + 6 days.
 
I was monitored and began to calm down and my protein slowed down and blood pressure began to become more stable, so I was resting waiting and hoping to get every  extra day for the baby to stay inside.
Mr Bosio and his team at the LRI in Leicester on ward 5 looked after me and Carl so well and did all they could to help us  would like to thank them for all there help and dedication and kindness shown to us .


Feb 4th at 27+6 I was given a emergency c- section as my bloods were all over the place and clotting dropping and I had also developed H.E.L.L.P Syndrome.

Thomas Carl Russell was born at 13.12  weighing 900 grams ( 2lbs) and we heard him squeak!





The  Neo -Natal staff worked on him and took him upstairs.
I was becoming quite ill and was watched by a nurse for 24 hrs for 2 days.





Thomas in his incubator





The early hours of the 5th Feb the Neo -Natal staff woke me and my husband up to say Thomas was very poorly and having trouble maintaining his blood pressure 



They took me upstairs to see him on my hospital bed as I was too poorly to get out.


He made it through the night, and began his fight to try and survive

He was so small and perfect all wired up  with all those tubes and needles, I did not want them to touch him.




Thomas was very poorly about 5 days later with a infection called NEC which affets the babys intestine as they are not ready for food at such an early gestation.. and was again close to death, but he pulled through.

He was on TPN for about 2 weeks and no feeds.

Thomas's hands and foot print at 12 days old

He got better gradually and was back on his feeds through his feeding tube in his nose, I was expressing as much milk as I could for him, he also had fortifier and extra vitamins to help build him up.

Thomas and Daddy






Thomas remained on the ventilator for about 5 1/2 weeks, and then moved on to CPAP another braething machine which  blows air into the lungs via tubes in his nose ( and not as forcefull as a ventilator) Thomas was doing most of the breathing himself!! .. it was a step in the right direction.. ....
       



Thomas on Mothers day 2003.. our 1st kangaroo cuddle.. i could feel his heartbeat next to mine. I will never forget that feeling such a wonderful day.



He had many infections in his long lines and was on antibiotics many times.. but he ALWAYS fought them and got better..




Came out of an incubator after 5 weeks and into a cot which was lovely and he could have more cuddles and we could touch him easier.



Thomas's 1st bath aged  3 months old






April 30th 2003  his original due date. another set back for Thomas......we were told he needed an eye lazor operation  for ROP III caused by too much oxygen and high ventilator pressures. 
His retina was bleeding and could become detach without treatment and he would be blind.

He underwent lazor eye surgery and was given about 400 laser burns in each eye, and back on a ventilator for a few hours.

This was the worst experience of our lifes ( at this point) watching them through ( many tears).. wheel our tiny baby into threatre not knowing if he would survive..  i begged them to take care of him and i kissed him goodbye it was a long wait till they rang to say all had gone well.. the longest 2 hrs of our lifes.....

Came off CPAP!!! breathing machinne and onto just oxygen hin his nose!!! in June 2003!! great another milestone!!



But  another setback  4 weeks later.....needed another operation for a hernia, his little testicles had not dropped properly and they were getting stuck in his bowel, so really painful for him.
Back on a ventilator but only for about 2 hrs as he was having none of it.

July 3rd 2003 moved finally into HDU and out of ICU after 5 1/2 months.. couldnt  belive it!! yipeee!


Thomas in High Dependancy Unit and out of intensive care after 5 long months.





We could finally see a small light at the end of this long dark tunnell................ the last 5 mths had taken its toll on us.. we LIVED at the hospital and our lifes were there like robots each day so tired and stressed and worried all the time..

It was great and much quieter and Thomas was much more chilled out and was just on Nasal Oxygen Prongs and breathing all on his own.... he was such a fighter.. surley he would be allowed to come home soon.. it had been SO SO   long in hospital......



July 31st yet another setback and nightmare.... he was put into a IRON LUNG called a CNEP machine (continuous negative excathric pressure)  as needing too much oxygen about 3 -4 .liters and not coping on his own... . he was getting tired and needed extra help to breath




Nightmare.. :( our poor baby boy stuck in a metal box for 24 hrs a day 7 days a week for 2 whole weeks initially could not hold him, just touch his face, and his body through the doors of the machine...
 

This time was very very hard and i hated this metal box which i baby was entombed inside.. his little hands would bang on the glass trying to reach out.. he must have been so bored just laying flat on his bacK.

Thomas in his 'Iron Lung' 



We made sure he had LOADS to look at  mobiles  above his head and toys in his box he coudk touch and feel.. read stories to him and i even read stories to a tape so they could play them to him when i was not there... .

He hated not been able to have cuddles with Mummy and Daddy.. his big blue eyes would look as if to say ... "pick me up Mummy..please.." heartbreaking so so heartbreaking...



 Thomas was so so brave and did not really complain, as I think it helped him and took the pressure off his lungs.

 
He began  to have weaning time out of the  cnep box, at 30mins to start and then 1 hour a day.
He was putting on the weight too and was about 12lbs by the end of August 2003... another good sign getting a big fat chubby beautiful smily baby.



September 16th 2003.... downhill again........Thomas had a really bad 'desat' to 25 and they had to bag him to start his breathing again, we were told we could still 'lose' him and had to think about re- sus and  what we wanted them to do if he did it again....




Thomas was also enjoying his 'solids' and baby rice at this point  and soon moved on to puree' his favourite was organic banana porridge!
 
Did not really have many bottles as got very tired, managed a few, but mainly tube feeds.




September 30th 2003 he soon grew out of the CNEP box, and the hospital  found a new machine called a Hiack jacket which Thomas wore and he could go back into a cot after 2 months... finally out of that dam dam box... god i hated it so so much......

It was strange at first for Thomas in the new jacket but better for him.. he could touch his face and his toys ......we could cuddle more and reach into his cot and stroke his face much more contact for him..







October 3rd 2003   2003 at 9am I called the Neo Natal unit and Thomas was ok a bit warm , he had run a temp for the past few days, he had lots of tests and lumbar puncture and they all came back negative... he had had a good nights sleep and ate an whole jar of baby food!!!



At 10.30 the same day the consultant called me at work to say Thomas had been ventilated and back in Intensive care.... as he was very sweaty and clammy and suspected in having an infection.. they put him back on a ventilator just in case..... his lungs were not too bad and he wasnt needing that much oxygen about 30% where as in the early days he needed 80-90%.




Me and Daddy  rushed to the hospital and they told us Thomas was suspected in having a fungal infection, as his immune system was low he could pick up all sorts of nasty infections.




He was very poorly , but still fighting and they had to sedate him more as he was fighting the ventilator.

We went home late that night as we knew this was going to bee a big step back for him, so we needed to try and rest to keep us going........

Saturday the 4th October at 5.30 am the hospital called to say Thomas's blood pressure had dropped and they were struggling to maintain it .. he neeed adrenalin to keeop it up and he was needing 100% oxygen.. he was losing his fight.......

They told us at 11.30am they could do no more Thomas had septicemia and was not going to make it..................after 8 long hard months of trying.




We had all the family round to say goodbye.... this was so hard to do.. to see all my loved ones so upset and hurting too.. they all thought he was going to make it..... we all did......


We turned his ventilator off at 13.12 almost  exactly 8 months to the time and date he was first born. .........


We held Thomas in the quiet room, cuddling his little lifeless body, he died at 2pm.... so did we inside.. i was in shock so numb i cried  and cried but felt numb like he was ok just another setback.. he would pull through.. he always managed before....






Thomas's funeral was held 5 days later at the church opposite  it was a lovley service and many friends and family came and quite a few of the nurses.
 
He is buried at the cemetery about 1/2 a mile away, we go every single day to say hello and tell him how much we love and miss him.
















 

 

 

 

 

His love lives on and on...  

















Thomas is our beautiful baby in heaven.. we will never forget him and the love and joy he gave us lives on forever and ever.. he has touched our heart and soul.. and we will never feel complete without him..
Untill we meet again sweet baby boy.

Sleep tight and visit us in your dreams.

Mummy & Daddy
xxxxxx


We have been blessed with another baby boy Charlie and we thank Thomas for looking after him for us while he was in Mummys tummy..and im sure he will continue to watch over his little brother now and forever.. love you Thomas. xxx

Would like to thank the team at the LRI Leicester and Mr Bosio and his team for helping us deliver Charlie safely



Sponsership of Thomas memorial .  
This site has been  kindly sponsered  by Thomas's Auntie Tracie and family.. i would like to thank her for all the support and love she has given us over the years.

Love always

Louise & Carl & Thomas
and baby brother Charlie
xxxx
More of his legacy...
 
Thomas's Photo Album
Our beautiful baby boy Thomas Carl Russell. xxxx Born too soon.....
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